But Do I Want You?

About a month ago I was listening to a Breakfast Club interview with Amanda Seales. She dropped a lot of gems about toxic masculinity, what it means to be a Black feminist, and her growth as a person. But what struck me the most was a quick statement she made about relationships. She said in relationships it is better to want a partner than to need a partner. Preach on, Elder Seales! That is a WHOLE word right there. I received that! Do you get it?

See, need is from a place of lack. I need water. I need food. You need those things to survive. I can’t produce those items for myself to sustain myself. I will always have to go outside myself to attain those things. But want is different. Want is a choice. Want is a decision. A daily decision to choose to be with you. Want doesn’t come from a place of deficit. And why would you want someone that is incomplete? You want to be with someone who is happy, healthy, and whole. You want to be happy, healthy and whole before you get involved in a committed relationship.

Being whole before being in a relationship is key because if you are in a place of lack, you will be indebted to your partner out of fear that if they leave, they will take with them whatever it is that you need. That’s not a marriage. That’s not a partnership.

Create healthy relationships by being whole. Fulfill your needs yourself, then ask what do I want in a mate? Then honor that choice daily.