2018: A Retrospective
It’s December 26th and 2018 is coming to a close. As I begin to think about the dawning of a new year, I start making lists and resolutions and goals and dreams and … I get totally overwhelmed. Let’s be honest, last year’s goals didn’t really get crossed off the list. I didn’t lose 50lbs or enter a bikini contest (yes, that was a goal for a hot minute). I didn’t travel the world or sell thousands of books. I didn’t do a lot of things. And it is easy for me to sit there and whine about how I didn’t accomplish all of my goals so therefore I am a failure, and just give up on 2019 before it even starts. Well, nope. Not this year…
This year I am going to look at 2018 in its entirety. There’s been some good, there’s been some bad, there’s been some growth, and there are still areas that I need to address. Maybe this is a 2018 SWOT analysis of sorts.
Let’s start with the good stuff… the highlights include the launch of my book (you do know I’ve written a book, right?), the birth of my niece, trips with friends (DR and NOLA), kids are healthy and smart. But if i had to be honest, I am extremely grateful for 365 more days with my hubs. I actually shared this on instagram and facebook last night, but last year Chris was given basically a year or less to live. A year later he is still here. That’s good stuff right there. The past year has introduced us to a new norm since Chris retired and honestly, we are still getting used to it. But we are weathering it and still standing so I’m going to count it all joy.
Moving on to the bad that 2018 laid at my feet… the death of my granny was a huge blow. My brother’s illness rearing its ugly head is another one that stomps on my heart. Trials at work. I love my job and my team, but there have been more than a few rough patches this year. Depression has been difficult for me this year. Not “I’m about to jump” depression but “I’m weary and really don’t want to move” depression.
2018 forced me to grow in unknown territory. I’ve written about this before but it’s easy to make a decision when you know you have the time to correct it. With Chris’ diagnosis I’ve constantly felt like I am racing a clock. And what if time is running out? I’ve been frozen due to fear of making the wrong decision on everything. Sometimes you have to roll the dice and just see what happens. I am learning to trust myself more and trust the fact that God’s got me even more.
Another area of growth is that I am increasingly ok with being in flux. I am constantly growing, changing & evolving. We all are. Every day I am learning something new, trying it on, and if it fits; great! If not, oh well. I used to crave “normal” and the comfort or safety that I assumed it offered. But now i realize that ish is overrated and evolution and reinvention are essential to my development.
So areas that I still need to address include carving out quiet time for myself. Self care is necessary. I know this yet rarely make time for it. Finances are another huge area of anxiety. I struggle with lack of financial knowledge and embarrassment about lack of financial knowledge. That is a vicious cycle that I need to break ASAP.
Finally, I need to stop living beneath my potential. 2019 is going to get all of this goodness in one way or another. The good, the bad, the ugly and everything in-between. It won’t be pretty, it won’t be perfect but it will be mine!