FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)

Let me tell you a story... There was once an ant and a grasshopper.  The ant worked her butt off and really tried to plan for the future.  The grasshopper partied all day.  The ant thought "well one day I will be able to party too but right now I am planning for the future."  But it felt like the ant was always working because there was always something to be done.  One day the ant decided to take a day off and walked outside and was promptly run over by a car.  The ant died.  

Ok, so that's not my best literary work but you get the picture.  I feel like Jack Nicholson in The Shining.  You know the movie with the weird little girls in the hallway and the "all work and no play" scribbled in the notebook.   Yep, I am there.  This weekend my city is hosting a huge event for my sorority.  HUGE.  Due to the 'gram, I am seeing all of the pics of my Sorors hanging out, celebrating sisterhood... but guess who's missing? Me.  That should still read "guess who's missing again?"  The answer is the same... me!  

See, I am struggling to balance between working for the future and living in the moment.  Every since my hubs was diagnosed with a terminal illness my mind keeps replaying one question "How will you take care of the family if he passes away?"  So the grind ramped up.  I The work ethic went into overdrive.  The sleep waned.  The networking went to 10.  The free time went to zilch.  I turned into a female Gary Vee.  

So here I am staring Summer '18 square in the face and wondering why I don't have a vacation planned?  Why didn't I take off for the sorority convention?  Why am I not at the pool with a pina colada in my hand?  

The real answer is I love work.  I love working.  I have a 9-5 that truly makes a difference and my 6p-12a (In case you were wondering, Myriad is the evening job) is a passion project of mine.  I love accomplishing things.  I love helping others.  But I also love my fam and need to find the harmony.  I get it.  It's an ebb and flow.  So let me do better at going with the flow instead of going with the FOMO.